PLEASE!!!!!!!!!
I almost hesitate to post this let alone write it, but something happened over the past 96 hours that has given me new hope that soon I will re-join the ranks of the employed. I really don’t want to jinx anything at this point, but like “The Law of Attraction” says, ask for what you want, right?
Well I really want this job at DirecTV!
Even if I am nervous about it.
It’s been a while since I have been in the work-a-day world, 6 1/2 years to be precise, and returning to it is something that I know I have to do. The question is can I handle that atmosphere again after being out of it for so long?
Now some of you are saying “well BigDaddy, it wasn’t that long ago that you were trying to sell Rainbow Cleaning Systems door-to-door. So that counts, right?” Well, that depends on who you talk to. If you said that to certain people out there in the state of Idaho, or anywhere else in the country for that matter, you might get a different response. Something along the lines of “door-to-door sales is not ‘real work’, its nothing but a scam! These people come to our homes to try to cheat us out of our hard-earned money and think they are doing us a favor by selling us their junk that we don’t need. ‘Real work’ is something you do with your hands, you have to sweat and get dirty – that’s when you become a ‘real man’. Don’t give me none of this sissy stuff by showing up at my front door thinking you’re gonna make a livin off of me! Go out there and get yourself a ‘real job’!”
That is the other side of the coin. That is why I say that I haven’t had a “real job” in 2,393 days because those detractors keep telling me that trying to sell Rainbow Cleaners for Rexair Inc. was not “real work”.
But I digress…
I am kind of nervous about this job prospect, not just getting it but something even worse than that – not getting it!!!
See things are coming to a crisis point at the BigDaddy household where Wifey and I need to do something so that we can pay our mortgage and our equity loan and stay inside of our dream house. I don’t know if that is a new job, people start buying stuff through this site, I get the winning lottery numbers or the Publishers Clearinghouse Van pulls up outside my front door – whatever, somethings gotta give!
I guess I never realized just how much pressure I was putting myself under or how strongly I felt about other people’s opinions about me until the dream I had last night. Well, when I say dream I mean nightmare!!!!!!!!
I don’t remember much about most of the dream except for the end. I was with a group of people and we were all trying to escape some disaster or accident that had happened when we came upon the body of a child lying face down by the side of the road. The bus we were riding in stopped and no one on the bus got up to see if the child was alright – except for me. I got out of the bus and slowly approached the child (and you know how sometimes when you dream it’s like you are watching a movie? That’s what this dream was like!). I bent down to check on him and slowly rolled him over. To my horror I found that the child had no eyelids – where his eyes should have been his skin was completely closed over! He started reaching out for me and I could start to hear screaming – more like keening actually. It was a low-pitched, mournful wail that I was hearing…
…and that’s when Wifey shook me awake because as it turns out, I was the one who was screaming. I couldn’t really describe the dream in detail to her so I just told her that I was trying to escape from hell and I was running from people who had no eyes. Later after I had slept some more I was able to piece together more parts of the nightmare and described them to Wifey. She said something very interesting to me…
“Remember how you are telling me how frustrating it is for you that you feel as if people cannot see your worth? Remember how you keep saying that you wish that people could see that you are worth hiring? That is who you were running from! You were trying to escape those people who see you as worthless!”
It makes perfect sense. I have been saying all along that I wish that HR Directors, Managers, Cable News Pundits, “Tea Partiers” and Politicians could just see that not only do I have worth, but that all of us who are searching for a job has worth. Instead, most of them seem to have written us off as worthless – so they cannot see that we have value. These were the zombies I, and all of us unemployed and underutilized people on that bus, were trying to escape from.
Two other things about this – One, I realized later that the keening that Wifey heard that so alarmed her and freaked out the cats – that was actually the child screaming as he was reaching out for me. Two, I know where I’ve seen that child before. Yesterday we took our car into Midas to have an oil change and I was leafing through some National Geographics that they had there. One of the articles dealt with the aftermath of Chernobyl, and one of the pictures was of a child – born with now eyelids – being spoon-fed since he could not feed himself. I didn’t think much about it until later this morning when I realized that he was the child from my nightmare.
So I’m hoping that I did well enough on the aptitude tests for DirecTV to be called in for an interview. They said that they should let me know by the end of the week (which is today) but I’m thinking that it might take longer. I’m going to assume that no news is good news until the phone rings and it is DirecTV HR calling. I’ve had this happen before where I’ve gone on interviews that went well, they’ve said “we’ll let you know by the end of the week” and then nothing happens. I get all depressed, Wifey has to console me and our situation has only gotten worse in the meantime. This time I’m just going to focus on the blog, the stuff I have to do around the house, and painting some more cars that I can race against in NASCAR SimRacing just to keep me occupied.
The bottom line is, I really want this job with DirecTV and I hope they hire me…
…if only so I’ll be able to get a decent night’s sleep.
