That’s your plan?!?!? Wile E. Coyote could come up with a better plan then that!!!
- John Crichton
Gaze into the future...
We’ve all seen the video, we’ve all heard the stories, we’ve all heard the excuses that bp has given to not only our government – but to us, the American People and the people of the Gulf Coast who are having to deal with another disaster that will have ramifications for years to come. We’ve all heard the testimony from family members of the 11 men who were killed on the Deepwater Horizon, we’ve all heard from the Fisherman and Shrimpers in the Gulf of Mexico who are now suddenly out of business. We’ve heard from Tony “I just want my life back” Hayward, the CEO of bp make excuse upon excuse upon excuse as to why they have not capped the Goddamned well yet!!!
Now we are starting to hear from another segment of the population that is outraged at what has happened in the Gulf of Mexico in the last 52 days. This is a segment of the population that is tired of all of the stalling that they hear from bp, Transocean and Halliburton as to who is at fault and who should clean up the mess and compensate the people of the Gulf Coast for having their lives destroyed.
They are saying that our government should seize bp’s assets – and I am beginning to think that it is a good idea – but only if it is handled properly.
There is one group out there that calls itself SeizeBP that says that “BPs assets should be immediately seized, and placed in a trust, in amounts proportionate to—and sufficient to fully compensate for—all projected harm from its dangerous and reckless acts in pursuit of super-profits.”Change.org has a petition up that asks our government to seize bp assets before they can change their name to avoid liability in some way. Greg Hunter over at USAWatchdog says that bp’s assets should be frozento make sure that it pays for all the damage it’s done. President Clinton’s former Labor Secretary, Robert Reich, advocates BP’s American operations being taken into temporary government receivership.
There are a lot of arguments on both sides as to why this should be done or why it should not be done. There are people in the UK who are understandably nervous about the talk of seizing bp’s assets, but I have to say that since it seems to us here in the U.S. that this whole plan to cap the well and clean up the mess appeared to have been thought out by Wile E. Coyote and that he tried capping the wellhead with equipment from ACME Oil Capping Co. So frankly, I don’t think the U.S. Navy with an assist from Exxon or Shell could do any worse then the Keystone Cops that have been in charge of this operation so far. In fact this video that was put out by the Upright Citizens Brigade Comedy Troupe pretty much sums bp’s handling of the crisis:
Now as far as my idea as to how this seizure should work, here is what I think should happen:
- Everyone who works for bp in the United States gets to keep their job unless they are found to have played a direct role in the explosion that took place on the Deepwater Horizon. Meaning the dumbass that prevented or ordered that procedures that might have prevented methane gas from blowing out the well and causing the explosion and fire that followed not happen. Meaning that the bp official who ordered that the drilling mud be replaced with seawater over the objections of the rig’s drill master should not only lose his job, but he should also face 11 counts of Negligent Homicide. Everyone else keeps their jobs – the secretaries who work at the corporate offices, the truck drivers who transport gas to the local filling stations, the cashier who earns minimum wage at the am/pm mini-mart – everyone. There is no need to punish everyone who works for the company just because it might make us feel better by costing them their jobs in the middle of a recession.
- Everyone who works here in the USA for bp would just go on with business as usual, except for those who played a part in the lead-up to the explosion and ensured that unsafe working conditions existed at bp’s oil rigs and refineries. Everyone else gets to earn a paycheck, those losers who came up with the policy of firing people who raised safety concerns can go look for a job at Wal-Mart.
- All bp filling stations and convenience stores in the USA will remain open and all of those who work there get to remain on the job. Hey, maybe some of those former bp executives can apply at the local am/pm and work on the night shift? You know, when all of those customers wearing ski masks like to come in?
- All bp assets will become the property of the United States Government and will remain operational during this period. All refineries will remain operational and all transportation systems will remain operational. Since profits from bp operations in the US will no longer be used towards certain kinds of overhead or go to bp stockholders, the excess profit will be used to compensate the families of the dead oil rig workers as well as every Shrimp Boat Fisherman in the Gulf of Mexico whose lives and livelihoods have been devastated by bp’s neglect for company profit, executive prestige and ass covering. The extra added benefit of this will be that since whatever these filling stations and convenience stores make in profit will not be going to pay salaries of executives overseas, nor will they go to pay stockholder dividends, the price of gas will go from an average of $3.00 per gallon to $2.40 per gallon or lower. Since this country is in a recession this would be good news for job seekers who have very little money to spend on gas to drive to job interviews as it is.
- The US Government will be in possession of bp’s American assets until such time as bp’s home office has capped the well and drilled sufficient relief wells, cleaned up the Gulf Coast and surrounding areas, and sufficiently compensated the families of the dead oil workers and every Shrimp Boat Fisherman and every business owner and employee who has been effected by this fuck-up. bp made $26.43 billion last year – trust me, they can spare it. If bp does all of that, then – and only then can they have their toys back!!!
Forget putting everything into a trust – the assets and use them better and more efficiently then bp is using them now – show those stupid limeys how its done!!!!
Yeah, I know I probably just offended all of my readers in the UK but you know what – that should give you an idea of how fed up we all are here in the States with bp. We are pissed off, and I will tell you something else – if this had happened in the North Sea instead of the Gulf of Mexico, that well would have been capped weeks ago. Because it is happening half a world away, bp is in no rush to get this fixed. If it was happening in their own backyard they would have been all over it.
And yeah I hear you teabaggers crying about socialism and communism and government overreach and all of that bullshit that you enjoy spewing from your selfish pieholes. So you know what – let’s sit down and talk about it. Let’s go out to Red Lobster, Golden Corrall or Homestyle Buffet and discuss this over a plate of all-you-can-eat Gulf Shrimp. I will take a bite as soon as you do. If you think that it is safe enough for you to eat then I will partake as well and we can agree to disagree. But until you put that first morsel into your own piehole then shut the fuck up!!! A lot of people are being hurt by this, a lot of good people are being hurt by this. The last thing that I or they want to hear is you whinning and moaning and bitching about….whatever it is that doesn’t apply to this situation.
Look, New Orleans and the Gulf Coast region were just now starting to come back from the tragedy that was Hurricane Katrina, now they have to contend with the destruction of their wetlands and their fishing and shrimping grounds which would kill their economy for decades. This was bp’s fault and they are trying to skirt their responsibility to clean it up as well as their responsibility to repair the lives and businesses that their arrogance and greed has devistated. They should have to pay such a heavy price that it really hurts for years to come. There is already talk that they may have to declare bankruptcy because of this. That’s not good enough for the 11 families or the tourism dollars that will now be lost to the French Quarter. bp has acted like a bunch of children who feel they have the right to do whatever they want with no consequences.
If you ask me, bp is in dire need of a good spanking.
So forget the “ass-kicking” Mr. President, it’s time to break out the paddle.
Until next time.
